Deep in the heart of the Bermuda Triangle, the vile Commodore Meatpie terrorized the high seas aboard his mighty ship, The Red Devil. Throughout the Caribbean he horrified and pillaged on his never-ending quest to capture and enslave hotties. After looting and burning all of Devil's Island he set sail with his pirate crew to their hidden pirate cove. The hotties were held captive in the belly of the great ship for 40 days and 40 nights. They endured tortures of unfathomable magnitude at the hands of Commodore Meatpie and his evil band of brigands. After enduring all the suffering she could the leader of the captives, G-Town Butcher, rose up against the pirates and brought forth an uprising aboard the Red Devil. The pirates and hotties battled for 3 days and 3 nights, fighting for their lives and control of the mighty vessel. When the smoke cleared on the 4th morning, all but one of the pirate crew was left standing on the deck. It was Commodore Meatpie himself. Begging for them to spare his life, the hotties lashed the fallen Commodore to the mast of his former ship, and set sail for the open ocean having wrested control from their captors and emerging victorious.

From that day forth, they would be known as The High Seas Hotties. In defiance of their former captors, they took on pirate names of their own.Over the next 10 years these names would become feared by pirates throughout the Caribbean as the High Seas Hotties hunted down and rid the ocean of more pirate scum. Their hold bursting with swag, the High Seas Hotties set course for their home, Devil's Island. The mighty women of the High Seas Hotties returned to their beloved island undefeated. During the celebration of their glorious victory the Hottie's captain, G-Town Butcher, had a few too many flagons of rum, and a brawl ensued the likes of which had never been seen before on Devil's Island. The girls strapped skates to their feet and with the fury of the mighty Winds at their back, set about in a circle trying to take each other out in a blaze of fire. When they awoke the next morning, bruised and hungover, all that was left of the mighty Red Devil was her anchor, mast, and a lightly toasted Commodore Meatpie.

Their sailing days behind them, it's still a pirate's life for these High Seas Hotties. So watch your back, because they're going skate, kill, pillage and burn. They're going to SKATE KILL PILLAGE AND BURN! AND EAT BABIES!!!

It all started one cold and breezy morning at the slaughterhouse. Old Betsy wandered somberly around her pen in anticipation of the day’s killings. The drab, melancholy stares on the faces of the slaughterers displayed the same sort of chilled depression and uncertainty as they creeped their way into the icy building.

NY Strip and her chopping crew, Cold Cut and Rump Roast, sauntered past yesterday’s hanging carcasses and towards the chopping block, cleavers and bone saws in hand. And then they stopped dead. The weapons crashed to the floor, and they gasped in horror. Right there, soaking in a thick, dark pool of fresh blood, were the heads of beloved slaughterers, Morningstar and Filet Mignon. Sitting drenched right next to the heads was a carburetor, a dead parrot, and a hard hat. “It must be that unruly and evil clan of mechanics, pirates, and construction workers!”, the slaughterers cried. With sorrow plunging deep into their coal black hearts and rage exploding in their heads, there was only one thing to do: vindicate their friends’ deaths by slaughtering those devils!

They rushed to the back of the slaughterhouse shrieking, “come quick!” as they grabbed 13 of the best slaughterers. Finally, they all dashed toward the meat locker in search of SOMETHING to help them catch those murderers and avenge Morningstar and Filet Mignon’s decapitation. Rummaging faster and faster, they wondered, “but what could we use? A wheel barrow? A meat grinder?”
"I’ve found it!”, NY Strip exclaimed. And out she pulled 16 pairs of dusty, blood encrusted roller skates. The slaughterers quickly strapped them on, snatched up a slew of chainsaws, and sprinted out the door.

They skated hard, they skated fast.

And only two blocks down the deserted, shivering road, they saw it: flying cockeyed into an abandoned alley was a weak and disheveled parrot. The devil’s high seas shifting crew was here. As the slaughterers darted faster and turned into the passageway, they stopped cold. Little eyes peeked out from behind their broken chevy, and short quivering gasps puffed out into the bitter air.

Revenge.

The slaughterers slowly looked at each other, the corners of their mouths turning up with a howl that
echoed through the ice black morning.

In early 2005, a foxy lady known as Motor Lisa was whipping around the track at the Dallas Derby Devils practice. As she skated around a corner, focusing on her cross-over form, her wheels hit an unknown obstacle and she went flying. Motor Lisa landed hard and skidded, screeching across the splintering wood floor. When she came to a stop, she found herself surrounded by the other Dallas Derby Devils, crowding around to see if she was all right. In a daze, she assured everyone that she was fine and shakily stood back up on her skates.

The look of astonishment on the faces of the other Dallas Derby Devils made her uneasy and she anxiously asked, “What? What’s wrong? What are you guys looking at?”

Motor Lisa was bleeding a lot from her fall, even more shocking was that she did not bleed blood like a normal human, she bled gasoline.

The Dallas Derby Devils watched in awe as gasoline pooled around Motor Lisa, eating at the plastic on the wooden floor and filling the rink with fumes.

Suddenly, the sunlight angling in through a vent shifted and lit Motor Lisa up. She fell into a trance, and hair aflame, she lifted off the floor, floating above the gasoline pool, which danced around her wheels. Her mouth opened and from it sprung 18 tongues of flame, forming a circle around her. The Dallas Derby Devils backed up, but were otherwise unable to react. They watched as the 18 flames formed into skaters, dressed in green and black. The mysterious skaters’ shirts read “Suicide Shifters” and bore individual names on the backs: June Carter Crash, Bebe Gunns, Made’n Texas, Panther City Princess, Jersey Runaway, Deadly Belladonna, Ultra Violence, Willow Bliterate, Bettie Backstabber, Helena de Story, Bits and Pieces, Hedorah Havoc, Rink Panther, Mad Dog, Nitro Jen, Amazon Assassin, Ankle Biter, Greta Grab'n Go, Ju Galay and Angel Dustt.

Motor Lisa recovered from her trance, the fire and all evidence of the incident disappeared, except for the mysterious skaters and the faint smell of gasoline. She shook her head, as if to clear it and looked around. The rest of the Dallas Derby Devils were awestruck. With a knowing smile, Motor Lisa took off around the track and the newly appeared skaters followed her, establishing the Suicide Shifters.

After a year and a half of leading the Suicide Shifters, the lovely Motor Lisa had to retire. Her flame and fuel were fading. She took Rink Panther aside and spit into her palm. Rink Panther was confused at first, but realized that it was not spit in her hand, it was gasoline. It heated in her hand and produced a small flame, but did not burn her. Motor Lisa looked at her with that knowing smile then sat to remove her skates. She left the rink that day, knowing that the Suicide Shifters would be led by a strong and loyal skater. Times change as does the line-up of the Shifters, just know that those that have come and gone will always be Shifters in our hearts and will always bleed green gasoline... EAT SHIFTER!

The Wrecking Crew is a team that is proud, energetic, diligent and strong-willed as well as strong-bodied. Our goals as a team are to be aggressive but fair, competitive but non-judgmental, and of course, to be the best roller derby team Dallas has ever seen! The Wrecking Crew is ready to break down ANY obstacles in our path while giving a nod towards working class pride. Our team colors are navy, white, and yellow...these may represent loyalty, pride, or caution tape...but it depends on which derby girl you ask.

.

Prison warden Cyanojen stood behind a cluster of microphones at the podium. Cyanojen addressed the concerned public. “Only 3% of all Texas inmates on death row are women. Two hours ago, they escaped. All of them.” She paused for a moment, and then shrugged her shoulders. “Oops.”

This particular group of girls had always been trouble. Each crime more bizarre than the one before. Desi Deck ‘Em, the youngest, killed her entire P.E. class with a set of lawn darts and a jump rope. Uma Vermin, Pippi Broadstalker, and Boston Massacre stole a diesel truck and drove it through a bowling alley. Ten dead. Strike. As a joke, Holy Tara buried her husband alive, but forgot where she left him. Suture Sally knifed a friend over a game of Operation. Marilyn Monroll and Roxy Star burned down the local mall. Parents and children running for the exit trampled Santa Claus. Fire Kracker poisoned the fruit punch at her 10 year high school reunion. Filmore Pain killed some girl in a karaoke bar fight. Tic Tic Boom got bored, and started making bombs as a hobby. Professor Kaos worked at a senior living home and encouraged the elderly to take up arms against their oppressors. Delta Blow, Nikki Nightmare, and Annie Wrecksion went on a shooting spree due to a $5 bet. Annie won. Blue Monday killed a man with her bare hands over a bad song selection from the jukebox. Britney Fierce got a full pardon from the governor, but missed her death row friends so much she killed her parole officer and went back to the old cell. Their ringleader Debbie Downer never actually killed anyone. She looked so dangerous the District Attorney charged her with murder as a precautionary measure.

They were a particularly troublesome group, the warden thought as she stepped away from the press conference. The girls loved those roller skates so much. It’d be a shame to keep them locked in a 10x10 cell. Cyanojen patted the keys in her pocket. Escaped or otherwise, as far as she was concerned, the Death Row Rumblers reformed. The governor did not feel the same way. Bloodhounds and bounty hunters were set loose to recapture the most dangerous ladies in Texas.

To hide from authorities, the Rumblers took shelter at a roller rink. For a full year, they cleaned beer spills, cigarette butts, scraps of napkins, partially digested snack counter items, and the blood and spit of other roller girls. They paid their way, bought their protection, and now they’re looking to punish those other girls who beat the system. The Death Row Rumblers skate on borrowed time. Every day is one more than what they had before. And if they claim a few more lives on the track?

Oh well.

Motor Lisa, O'Raney, Queen of the Slammed, Lexi Luger, Bebe Gunns, Fallona Bottom, Malicyn Wonderland, Hallow's Eve, Bump N Grinder, Jersey Runaway, Clay's Pride, Willow Bliterate, Roxy Star, Dar 2 D2, Pummela Slamderson, Pippi Broadstalker, Filmore Pain, Death by Dawn, Hard Drive, Buster Cherry, Delta Blow, High Jinx, Pushin Daisies, Bettie Backstabber, Eve L. Brawler, Suzie Hat-Trick